Home » Celebrity Garbage, Club Satirical » US Magazine Alliance to Limit Britney Spears Pictures
Tags:

In an effort to stem the flow of pictures of Britney Spears in celebrity-focused magazines like OK!, US Weekly, You?, Them and Spanish language outlet, Nosotros, the United States Magazine Alliance will begin instituting a cap of images of the former Pop Princess.

When asked why the USMA will begin an unprecedented crackdown of pictures of Britney Spears, Dan Hoogem, president of the USMA, said, “We have been inundated with emails and calls about the extreme amount of Britney Spears pictures consumers have seen; mostly during shopping excursions. The amount of pictures of Ms. Spears bra-less, smoking, drinking soft drinks, eating, holding random kids, looking pale, in jean cutoffs and in sunglasses is staggering. Consumers don’t want it. They’ve dealt with this stuff since 1999. They are tired of it.”

Not everyone agrees with the USMA’s cap of Britney Spears pictures in magazines. When Jessica Fortuna, head of the Society to Leave Britney Alone, learned of the USMA’s new mandate, she called the decision “total bullshit.”

“We love our Britney Spears pictures. I don’t care what she is doing when she is pictured; getting the mail, getting out of the car without her underwear in a drunken stupor, whatever. The fact is that we, Americans, love our Britney Spears and we’re not going to let some government intrusion on our rights come between us. Britney Spears pictures are also our nation’s greatest export next to Angelina Jolie. This is going to send more American jobs overseas.”

The cap on images of Britney Spears will begin sometime this summer. According to the USMA’s press release, each magazine in the United States will be limited to four pictures a month. None of which can be on the cover.

“We’re saving lives here,” says Hoogem. “The people may not realize it now, but we are. The private sector isn’t addressing this problem so that leaves us to come in and save the day.

“The intake of Britney Spears on celebrity magazines is killing us. Wake up everyone.”

When asked why we don’t just eliminate celebrity-led magazines, Hoogem said: “What? Why? If we didn’t have that then we’d never know who Miley was going to invite to her 18th birthday.”

Author Bio: The Reel Loop Satire Squad lives in a fortified bunker deep beneath Denver, Colo. To the right of the Technodrome. Follow the author on Twitter.

3 Responses to “US Magazine Alliance to Limit Britney Spears Pictures”

  1. Godney April 9, 2010

    FORMER Pop Princess?! No way u're sayin THAT.She's STILL the Pincess of Pop.If anythin,she's the new Queen of Pop.

    Reply
    • THEY DEFENILTY MEANT SHE IS NOW THE NEW QUEEN OF POP , IT'S OFFICIAL ! IGNORANT ARE THE PEOPLE THAT CALL HER POP PRICNESS NOW , UNLESS THEY SAY THE ORIGINAL POP PRICNESS , BUT NOW SHE IS DEFENITLY QUEEN OF POP , EVERYONE IS CALLING HER THAT , NOT ONLY HER FANS !

      Reply
  2. Oh come on!!! How about if people mind their own business? The only reson why the media treats her like crap is because she's "Britney Spears". She's famuse. If she wasn't, nobody would care about her busness!!! Leave her alone. Her misakes that she's made are HERS, not the whol worlds to judge! It's no wonder she's doing some of the things she's diong. She has so much pressure from the public, most of us would crack if we had as much respnsobilites as she has. Not to mention her 2 kids, tours etc!!!

    Reply