Award shows are a strange beast. They consistently draw in huge numbers of viewers, but simultaneously get a hundred complaints (often valid) and despite having years of practice, the Academy Awards still make irritating mistakes and choices in execution. So how can we as an audience and the Oscars as a production make the effort to increase the quality and enjoyment of the show? Here’s twelve ways to make the Oscars suck a bit less.
12. Either scrap the exit music or stop being stupid about it.
I’d be willing to bet my life savings that the most commonly cited complaint about the Academy Awards is the irritating, intrusive exit music that tries to play off speeches that run too long, or are just too boring. I get that you need to squeeze in time for commercials while the Awards tend to run long anyway, but here’s the deal: it’s disrespectful as hell. If I were a filmmaker that had devoted years of my life to a project and I was prodded offstage during my conclusive moment of bliss, I’d flip out on you.
Respect these filmmakers. Either get rid of the music entirely and leave it up to the self-control of the award winners, or at least be fair about it. Don’t give Meryl Streep what feels like a century to ramble about her 76th Oscar while you cut off the foreign filmmaker with the unfamiliar accent.
11. If it helps to fix the irritating music problem, regulate the acceptance speeches.
One way to fix the exit music problem would be to regulate the acceptance speeches. Have each of the frontrunners submit a page or 1.5 page draft of their words for approval on length, and have them stick to it if they win. You can cram lots of jokes and shout-outs into that page length, and once they’re done, they’re done. If they continue past the parameters of the draft they’ve submitted, then you can play your exit music.
Unless it’s Martin Scorcese. He can say whatever he wants for however long he wants. Deal with it.
10. Make the judging process a bit more transparent.
We literally know next to nothing about the criteria for judging the winners of the Academy Awards. While we can generally posit what they should be looking for — the best general package of screenplay and performances, cinematography and execution — it would be nice to see what exactly they’re looking for. Ambiguity has its mystery, but when it comes down to a split decision between No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood, I’d like to know what exactly is more perfect about the Coen’s work than Anderson’s.
9. More Jack Nicholson cutaways.
Do I need to say more? This man is half the reason I tune in on an annual basis. In fact, just shoot the entire ceremony from his reaction shots. It’ll save you a hell of a lot of money in the camera department.
8. More female hosts.
Female hosts have notoriously gotten the short shrift throughout the Academy Awards history. Ellen DeGeneres was a fairly unpopular choice when she presented a few years ago, and besides Whoopi Goldberg, not many other women have gotten the chance. With the amount of popular comediennes in the limelight these days, there’s no excuse not to try your hand with one of them.
My vote? Tina Fey. She’d bring the house down. Charismatic and hilarious, with a great sense of comic timing, I think Fey would nail the job.
7. Stop slighting Clint Mansell.
Forget every composer who has won for best original score in the past few years; the composer responsible for the most memorable scores has been Clint Mansell. Between The Wrestler, Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain and this past year’s Moon, it’s a shame that Mansell hasn’t even been nominated, let alone won an Oscar for his work. What will it take to get this man some Academy credit?
6. Don’t be afraid to push genre films into the Best Picture category.
James Cameron’s Aliens first pushed science fiction/horror into mainstream nominations, gathering seven academy award nominations. Now he’s doing it again with Avatar, alongside District 9, thanks to the expansion of nominees from 5 to 10. This is one of the best bits of improvement from the Academy this year, and I hope it’s a trend that continues. While I have my reservations about Avatar winning Best Picture, it’s good to see two science fiction films in the running for the title — they deserve it.
5. More career retrospective montages.
I may be alone in this, but every time there’s a retrospective on some talented actor or director that highlights the best moments in their career, I get all geeky and moved inside. Maybe I’m just a sucker for montages, but they always get me psyched to go out and see more movies. In fact, swap out the often dull musical performances for montages, and I’d be a happy man.
4. If it’s true that you rank and file behind the Golden Globes in your awards process: cut it out.
It’s generally accepted that the winners of the Golden Globes give a pretty good indication of what will win at the Academy Awards. If this is true, and the Globes/Academy criteria for judging are that similar, then boy is that dull. Why bother? I don’t mean to imply that there aren’t clear cut victors in a competition, but as a viewer, I’d like to think I haven’t already got it all figured out before you even air the awards ceremony.
3. Bring back the streaking.
As far as I’m concerned, the Oscars hit their peak in 1974 and it’s all been a downhill slide ever since.
2. Begin integrating animated shorts and feature length films into the general categories.
It’s awesome that Pixar’s Up has been nominated in the Best Picture category in 2010. The fact is that animation has become so sophisticated alongside its storytelling devices that I’m just as apt to be moved and transported by an animated affair as I am by a live-action film. As far as I’m concerned, film is film, regardless of the medium you choose. If cutting down on the categorical distinctions between these movies means that more animated films will be considered for Best Picture, I’m all for it.
1. Audiences: Don’t put so much stake in the winners.
Audiences get outraged easily (“How could Rocky beat Taxi Driver!? How could No Country beat There Will Be Blood?!”), but you have to remember that awards don’t make a film. You will be much more apt to enjoy the Oscars if you simply consider them a celebration of motion pictures in general. Sure, there will be a winner, but that ultimately has no bearing on the quality of the films you see. And for God’s sake, who could choose between Rocky and Taxi Driver? They’re incomparably fantastic.
"Don’t give Meryl Streep what feels like a century to ramble about her 76th Oscar while you cut off the foreign filmmaker with the unfamiliar accent."
WOW WOW WOW… Streep haters burn in hell you know! What did she do to deserve your filthy mouth asshole? Certainly she didn't speak to the head of HFPA to cut out the music. God, morons like you should be banned from watching anything about awards ceremonies, leave that aside you should not be allowed to follow the films. You deserve to just simply DIE!!!
Aaron, that is some straight-up crazy.
Don't you think you're overreacting just a wee little bit? I'm sure Meryl appreciates your name-calling and wishing John certain doom, but come on. Banning him from watching "anything about awards ceremonies?" That's too far.
Aaron, I believe there are some drug dealers who sell primo tranquilizers if you’d be interested. Also, I would also recommend a quick glance at a dictionary under the words “exaggeration” and “sarcasm.” Silly goose.
what the heck?
Aaron is being extreme, but she’s only won twice (and not
for twenty seven years, mind you). and her speeches are always pretty amazing and genuine. I hope she gets her third, after ignoring her for so long. she deserves it for Julie and Julia. but I definitely agree with Jack Nicholson. . . love him. And don’t get me started on Tina Fey. funniest woman alive.
I was being facetious. She's just an example of an award show darling who gets to speak for seemingly however long she'd like to, while all the animated short film directors get rudely cut off. I could have used anybody as an example. Streep is fine by me.
i’d rather have 5 minutes of the witty and wise meryl streep than a minute of the self-aggrandizing james cameron or a rambling jonathan demme or some producer or tech awardee enumerating in 45 seconds a list of people to thank! by the way, meryl streep has only had 2 oscar trophies to her name.
I recall an awards show some years ago when the great Frank Sinatra was given a lifetime achievement award. At that point in his life he had been battling ill health and seemed a little unsteady on his feet. And as he got about halfway through what he wanted to say, that damned exit music not only came up, but came up so loudly that the control room didn't need to cut Frank's mike, because he couldn't be heard over the music. The show then went to commercial, and when the show resumed, not one word was uttered about how Frank had been disrespected. IMHO, we can do without the exit music, and perhaps speeches should be limited to no more than 2-3 minutes max, to be balanced by the winners who do make an effort to keep their thanks short and sweet. And while you're at it, we can do without (or at least cut down) the yearly 5 minute explanation of who tabulates the votes and how the voting works.