Movie blogger tired of covering ‘Thor’ movie because it’s “so gay”
Local blogger not excited over new Thor movie
For Berry Mzuscan, movies are something to cherish, to debate and to sometimes bemoan. A “superhero wing-ding fanboy,” Mzuscan has been an admirer of spandex-clad heroes since he could barely walk, so when news of a big-screen adaptation of Thor came out of Marvel Studios in 2008, Mzuscan should have been excited, but he wasn’t. Not even close.
“[expletive], Thor. I can’t think of a worse superhero to make a movie of than that guy,” says Mzuscan on his blog, Mzuscansmiddrif.ca. “A Norse god as a hero? Seems a little easy. According to Wikipedia, Thor ‘relies upon periodic consumption of the Golden Apples of Idunn to sustain his lifespan.’ It doesn’t get any gayer than that.”
Thor will be directed by Kenneth Branagh. It stars Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins, Kat Dennings and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. Production on the feature is slated to begin in January with an opening on May 20, 2011. For 23-year-old Mzuscan, it’s a day he’ll stay inside because of the “raining storm of feces” that will fall from the sky when the movie debuts.
When Mzuscan learned of the impressive cast for the film, he scoffed. “Natalie Portman? Kat Dennings? That just about cancels out having Anthony Hopkins on board,” Mzuscan said. “Any cred this dirge would have had is lost. Gone forever. If I had Thor’s retarded hammer, I would drop it on my head so I could escape having to hear about this [expletive] movie for the next year and a half. I would rather see a Blue Beetle movie. Not even the funny one DC killed off, the new crappy one that looks like an actual bug. [expletive] him, too.”
When asked why Mzuscan has so much pent-up rage about the film (yet his site has multiple articles about casting and screenplay news) he shrugs, “I’m looking for hits. Personally, I could care less about Thor. No, check that, I couldn’t care less. Thor is about as interesting as Playgirl, muscular men and paper to me.”
He added: “The fact of the matter is, a lot of people care about Thor. I don’t get it. Maybe it’s their latent homosexuality for a larger blond Adonis wielding a tool. Come on, that’s straight-up Freudian, right there. I cover it because that’s what bloggers do. They cover stuff. Even Thor.”
Mzuscan gave us a tour of his home office. It was complete with three-year-old issues of Entertainment Weekly, Craft Noodle and High Times along with a single issue of Man Job that was left by his “retarded friend.”
“I’m tired of feeling like I’m supposed to care about this,” says the blogger about why he chose to come forward with his feelings. “On Twitter, I see all these people so excited about Thor and I think they are so full of crap. Idiots. They don’t even know what good movies are.”
According to a blog entry from Mzuscan in 2003, his favorite movie is Conan the Destroyer, the 1984 follow-up to Conan the Barbarian. Destroyer is usually seen as the weaker, more family-friendly of the two.
“This movie rocks. Where else can you see Schwarnenaker [sic] and his glistening abs rock baddies to death. I like it because of that. He looked great, talked good and is a force for piece [sic] whereever [sic] peace is needed. Go Conan, go!’
When we asked Mzuscan about the entry, he said that he has renounced the movie because it’s “gayer than Adam Lambert’s boyfriend.”
It sounds to the average reader that like many heterosexuals, Berry Mzuscan finds himself MANIACALLY obsessed with gay men.
What's that all about folks?
Seriously. If y'all hate the gay children you create so much, why not seek therapy for your issues instead of this maniacal obsession with 'the gays.'
I would claim that Berry Mzuscan himself is most likely gay, but I can't imagine that 'the gays' would even want a dude like this, so lacking in the masculinity that allows men to be secure with their sexuality, on their team.
What a common-as-dirt moron this Berry Mzuscan seems to be. By choice.
movie didnt even start filming yet…
He ridicules Thor for being a large blond Adonis, yet his favorite film, Conan the Destroyer (which wreaks in comparison to the 1982 predecessor) starred a large, blond Adonis. You are a fool Berry Mzuscan and like Bill says, you are in fact gay.
You’re a fag. You must love Thor because everyone can tell that you love Playgirl and musclular men on paper you faggot.
Sounds like someone Thor rejected ur invitation on Facebook….still..thats no reason for so much rage. Get a job dude….or be straight…whichever seems easier for u.
If they do this movie right, it will be a blockbuster and will be the best marval movie yet. But if they screw it up it could be real bad. I just don't think that marval will let that happen. They have the final approval on everything.
Agreed. Really great cast there.
Yes, I totally agree. Alot of people don't think anthony hopkins would be good for the role of Odin. I quite dissagree, Hopkins is the biggest name in this movie yet, which just goes to show how serious Marvel is taking this movie. I mean its Marvels most complicated super hero and they know that. They defenately know whats at stake. I hope they give him a shakespearian accent, and I really hope they don't screw up the costume. And he better be wielding that classic big ass hammer of his. Not the ultimate hammer!! (stupid)