A recent investigation conducted by the Center of Automobile Mental Health (CAMH) has announced their findings on the Miley Cyrus tour bus that left its driver dead. The study indicated that the bus has had a prior history of violence and underwent multiple psychiatric evaluations. Most of the bus’ tests were inconclusive while one study deemed the bus a danger to itself and others. The bus, a full-length carrier from Idaho, was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. CAMH’s study shows that authorities not only knew of the bus’ previous problems with the law with a series of stints in a “garage,” but failed to act to prevent the carrier from harm.
“We could see this coming a mile away,” says Dr. Tim Rasha, chairman of the Society of Mentally Disturbed Motor Vehicles. “We had this bus in what we call ‘Boot kickers.’ That’s a program we use to evaluate to soundness of, not only the bus’ physical shape but that of his mental health. After we performed the test, this bus’ psycho-resilience scan report showed us that this bus had a severe case of busirnaria.”
Busirnaria is a fear of mediocre pop stars. The first known case of busirnaria was documented in 1998 when a tour bus carrying all-male pop group 98 degrees skidded of a road into a snow bank. Authorities on the scene initially determined that icy roads were the cause of the accident, but a later analysis from CAMH rejected that claim, stating that “marginal b-list pop jams were the reason for this accident. Not ice.”
“We performed tests on a new bus from Tokyo,” says Rasha. “We figured that Japanese buses would have been exposed to some of the worst pop songs ever and that, through multiple generations of manufacturing, the buses would have some built-in immunity. After Miley Cyrus released Party in the U.S.A., we performed some tests on a couple Toyota buses. We were shocked by the results.”
When asked what the results yielded, Dr. Rasha looked away. “We are still cleaning up the mess.”
When asked why busirnaria isn’t taken seriously by the mainstream medical establishment, Terrance Guild, professor of vehicle psychology, said that “Big Music” is scared of the findings. “If the mainstream press along with the medical establishment recognize the dangers that busirnaria poses, it could have huge ramifications on the music industry.”
He added: “We live in an area of one-hit wonders and studio-driven numbness where radio only plays the hits that record companies want you to hear. Not real bands, real music written by actual singer-songwriters, but an army of 50-somethings who write drivel for 13-year-old girls. The more that the world sees of acts like Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and Britney Spears, the more bus accidents will happen. Frankly, I am shocked more hasn’t happened.”
When asked what the cure for busirnaria may be, Guild said there is really one act that can delay the affects of the disease. “Lady Gaga is amazing. She writes her music and has even written pieces for other artists. She’s the real deal.”