Count von Count on Twilight: “The fans scare me”
The Count talks ‘New Moon’ and Nazi Germany
New York City resident Count von Count is the latest celebrity to take a shot at the popular teen vampire series Twilight. During the past week, teen phenoms Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez have told reporters that they’re not interested in Twilight hoopla. Gomez later retracted her statements after repeated threats from the Teen Council of What’s In.
In a recent interview, Count von Count, called simply The Count by friends, said that the popularity surrounding the latest movie in the series, New Moon, is especially troubling. “When I was watching TV, I saw girls, one, two, three, teenage girls scratch themselves on the neck for Robert Pattinson. It’s too much for me,” said The Count.
The 198-year-old has been a resident of the Sesame Street area for over 30 years and has been off of human blood for half that time. “There was a time when I suckled the teat of human crimson but those days are long gone. I’ve been clean for 13, 14, maybe 15 years or so,” he said. “Tourists would come by and ask for photographs with me. I told them I couldn’t be pictured because I am the undead. They laughed. I never knew why. I would pick the fattest man from the group and lure him with smells of sizzling bacon. Then I would fill glass jugs with his blood. It sounds horrible and indeed it is but it would last me for months. ‘What was I supposed to do?’ I thought to myself.”
When asked what made him quit, The Count said his Sesame Street friends had an intervention with him. “Grover, my dearest friend came to me and told me I needed to stop. He was right. I was close to killing Gordon on at least, one, two, three occasions,” says The Count. “I was at a breaking point.”
For The Count, the story of a vampire family who have forsaken human blood resonated within him, but fans have taken their love of the Twilight series to extremes he hasn’t seen since Nazi Germany.
“I know full well what I am saying here,” said The Count. “Before I was on Sesame Street, I lived in Eastern Europe. I saw first hand the destruction and carnage that were committed by those who fervently believed something blindly. Out of love of state or out of love for a sappy melodramatic film, I have determined that young people are not stupid, but because of their trusting and excitable nature, they really do need parental guidance. My friends here on this street can only do so much.”
