According to U.S. Department of Entertainment secretary Angela Ustain, 16 of Miley Cyrus’ songwriters were found chained to a rusty pipe in a dilapidated building in eastern Poland.
Without food for four months, all of the songwriters are reportedly in stable condition in Bethesda, Maryland.
“We’ve never seen such horrible conditions,” said Department co-deputy Vanessa Henderson. “I’ve been to sweatshops in India and China and nothing compares to the things I saw. Those poor people were denied food and were forced write songs for [Miley Cyrus]. They were cuffed and were unable to move. All they could listen to were late ’90s pop hits and a little Tiffany. Maybe even Debbie Gibson, we’re not sure yet.”
16-year-old Miley Cyrus is currently listed in the American top 40 with her latest single Party in the U.S.A. The former Disney star is currently on tour supporting her latest album, the Wal-Mart exclusive EP entitled The Time of Our Lives. She is also filming a cameo for the upcoming Sex and the City sequel. Cyrus is listed as a co-writer for all but two songs on the album.
When asked how involved young Cyrus was in the songwriting process, one of the recently freed writers coughed and said they never saw her. “All we saw was this man with long hair and a soul patch. I think he used to wear a mullet, I can’t remember,” the 30-year-old said. “He told us that we were supposed to write songs for Miley. He called the songs he wanted ‘Daddy’s new moneys’ and used to curse a lot about a show… Nashville something-or-other.”
According to Polish officials, the building was once used as a U.S. government installation for housing those suspected of terrorism.