Thanks to a ratings high for the tenth season of the hit U.S. show Dancing with the Stars, producers are already in talks for the next round of celebrity contestants. The show, which made its debut in the summer of 2005, pairs celebrities with professional dancers in a competition that is decided by three judges along with a viewing audience.
“Season 10 was incredible,” says judge and choreographer Bruno Tonioli. “The viewers really tuned in to see our celebrities. The vivacious and smoldering Pamela Anderson, the golden dancing prince himself Evan Lysacek…and Kate Gosselin. I’ve heard that next season will be even more spectacular. I am such a flame.”
Producers of the show are already in talks with contestants for season 11 of Dancing with the Stars. The mission: more tabloid magnets.
“We have to cast complete assholes next season,” said Ryan Wentz, executive producer of Dancing with the Stars. “For season 10, viewers showed up for Kate Gosselin. Why? She’s a train wreck. Talentless, a media whore and possibly the world’s worst dancer. She even got her partner Tony Dovolani to walk out of the studio and quit. So much drama. We loved it.”
But Kate Gosselin wasn’t the only jerk to be cast on the show. Soap opera hunk and model Aiden Turner demanded that his partner Edyta Śliwińska treat him nicely and to pamper him like a star or else he would quit. Bachelor star Jake Pavelka eluded that his partner, former So You Think You Can Dance? contestant, Chelsie Hightower to shut her mouth like woman should.
“Yeah, we need more assholes on the show. Nobody actually cares about the dancing. What American audiences want is sexy bodies and dickheads,” says Wentz. “We have to cast a few celebs who can actually dance but really, we look for the biggest f*ck-ups and c*cknoses for Dancing with the Stars. That’s how we beat [American] Idol.”
When asked who producers have been speaking with for season 11, Wentz gleaked with excitement. “Oh man, you’re going to love this. We don’t have anything cemented yet but we have the world’s most popular rapist, Kobe Bryant. We might have America’s biggest scumbag, Jesse James and the buck-toothed girl who killed Gary Coleman. But she’s not the big score. We hope to have Dr. Conrad Murray, the guy who killed Michael Jackson. We are thinking of doing another tribute to the King of Pop and have him moonwalking onto the floor. Maybe Kobe can reenact the famous altercation in Vail? I’m pumped.”