By now, you’ve undoubtedly heard that Shia LaBeouf is shouldering the lion’s share of the blame for the lousiness of both Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. However, it appears LaBeouf’s tour of regret is just beginning.
“If I’m being honest, I feel like I haven’t really done anything worthwhile since season 2 of Even Stevens,” said LaBeouf of his career-launching Disney series. “I think it’s really time for me to come clean with movie fans all over the globe and just say sorry about all of this mediocrity I’ve been shoveling onto them.”
LaBeouf’s team is standing by him, as formal apologies for Eagle Eye, Disturbia and The Greatest Game Ever Played are all expected to be issued by the end of the month.
“We really thought were going to mold him into ‘The Next Tom Hanks,’” said Teresa Dahlquist,LaBeouf’s agent. ”Now it’s looking like ‘The Next Christian Slater’ is a much more realistic proposition. But we are hoping to avoid any cocaine or butt-grabbing incidents.”
Industry insiders are confused as to where LaBeouf’s sudden honesty has originated, but sources close to the situation say it may serve as something of a preemptive strike against what will surely be a sub-par Wall Street sequel.
“I mean, the writing was really on the wall,” continued Dahlquist. “We suspected he might actually be a lousy actor as far back as Holes, but his stock was rising and it was a just a situation where no one really had the heart to say what we all were thinking: this kid is sort of bland and has really weird hair.”
There is no word yet on whether LaBeouf will quit acting altogether, or simply double his efforts to not suck. Official dates and venues for the “2010 LaBeouf Apology Tour” will be posted on the actor’s web site labeoufthestuff.com, by the weekend.